Lift up your head, crazy

22 Sep

Today’s been a bit awful. Just little things going wrong, but in some ways I’m at the end of my rope and frayed edges don’t deal well with disappointment.

I’m trying to make my home a place I want to be. For a year I’ve lived in this apartment and pretended that it was a dorm room, a place to leave my stuff and cook my meals, watch Gilmore Girls and change my clothes, sleep. Finding some delicious looking bedding instead of the raggedy hand-me-downs I’m using, hanging some beautiful things on the walls, and finally having a place for everything and everything in its place will work wonders on me, I’m sure.

Anyway, this quest has been fruitless and frustrating, and a bit of a race against the clock as I try to do it all in the one week off between summer and fall quarters. I have a feeling that on Monday, when fall classes begin, someone is going to push a button and everything will be on triple speed until Christmas.

So I sat and felt sorry for myself a little bit, then I made myself an awesome grilled cheese sandwich and ate it while reading Anne Lamott’s Blue Shoe. The thing about reading Anne Lamott’s stuff is that it doesn’t make me feel any less crazy. But it does make me feel like it’s okay that life is messy and more often than not I really suck at handling whatever comes my way, and that I don’t need to hide my craziness but instead just lift up my head and take a deep breath, eat my sandwich, and try to enjoy the smell of rain in the air.

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