So, the most awful thing happened to me the other day. The hard drive on my Macbook crashed. My great little black badass of a Macbook, that’s been a trooper as I’ve carted him all over the world the past two and a half years. It was terrible when I realized that I had lost everything – my poems and articles and free writing pieces; my resources from my time with YWAM; and all my pictures. Hundreds and hundreds of photos from over 15 countries and a thousand faces and a million experiences. Even typing this now makes my heart hurt a little bit.
But. On Saturday, even as I was reeling from my loss, something inside me spoke calmly and firmly: “This is not true loss.” I was quietly aware of all of the things I still had to be thankful for. I didn’t want to be some weird Stepford wife Christian robot, mechanically mouthing the words, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” But I truly did feel grateful. I thought about the fact that I still had a laptop. That I have a creative mind that will create new pieces and poems. That even though I don’t have the pictures to prove it, I still have 2 years of God-given adventures that have left their mark on my memory, on my character, and on my future.
Yesterday I read in Oswald Chamber’s My Utmost For His Highest these words, so fitting for my situation:
“Our personal property and possessions are to be a matter of indifference to us, and our hold on these things should be very loose. If this is not the case, we will have panic, heartache, and distress.”
Sometimes I hate how cold Chambers comes across, but the man’s got it right. It reminds me of Jesus’ story about the guy that stocks up all his treasure and gets all satisfied with himself and then finds out he’s going to die that very night. Then what will he do with all of his stuff?
So, I’m not glad that my hard drive crashed, and I’m not very happy with myself for thinking I’m immune to such things and not backing up my stuff like EVERYONE tells you to. But I am so thankful that I am not my writing, or my pictures, or my things – those don’t make up me and they don’t make up my life.
So I guess it wasn’t the most awful thing that could have happened to me. I guess I’m thankful for the chance to learn to hold things more loosely, because it saves me from more heartache down the road.