Learning Curve

stewConsidering how much I travel, one would really think I’d be better at it.  But I seriously suck at traveling.  As I’ve recounted before on this blog, I remember standing in the shower the night before my dream vacation of touring through Europe for three weeks with one of my best friends.  What was I thinking?  “What the HECK am I doing?  I don’t want to go!”  And of course I went and had the time of my life.  When those three weeks were up, I came home for a few days to catch my breath, do some laundry, and repack for Maryland, where I would work as a camp counselor all summer.  The night before I left, while trying to find a parking space at Olive Garden with my sister, I had another meltdown.  Forget it, I’ll just stay here all summer!  And of course, the next day I boarded a plane and had one of the best summers of my life at Camp Sonshine.  Before I left for Australia, same thing.  And before Norway.  Always the same panicked second-guessing of myself, my plans, my packing lists.  It’s similar to the pre-party meltdowns I’m infamous for (“What if we run out of food?  What if no one shows up?  Why do I look so ugly?”).  When will I grow out of this?

So of course, on the eve of my outreach to Germany, I feel like I’m going crazy.  One single thought pounds through my head: “I want to go home.”  I have like 1% adventurer in me, and somehow that part of my psyche always manages to wrestle to the ground the other 99% of me – the boring grandma who hates going out of her comfort zone and would rather watch Gilmore Girls and eat frozen yogurt than fly to a fascinating city.  I’m SO glad that 1% is freakishly strong, because I don’t regret one single trip I have taken – from Europe to Israel to Australia to Norway.  

Now here I go again, with a different purpose and different hopes and different challenges.  I know I’m not alone, I know it will be worth it, I know I’ll come back thankful.

But I wish I could just be there already!

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3 thoughts on “Learning Curve

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  1. Joy you are going to be great! The 99% of you that is organized, methodical, and disciplined will help make you a great outreach leader! I cant wait to hear about all the ways God uses you in Germany.

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