I just watched P.S. I Love You for the second time. This may sound cheesy, but I totally connect with that movie; it really stirs something deep inside me. I’m so much like the main character, Holly; stuck in what could be and should be and blaming everyone and everything for her unhappiness. She’s upset about not getting what she wants but she doesn’t even know what she wants. And Gerry, her husband, is such a Christlike character – so passionate and full of love and life, and living for relationship. I can definitely say that my life is not all about relationship. I still get caught up in what I’m entitled to and what I should do and what I expect others to do. In the film, you can barely understand why Gerry loves Holly – she’s whiny and selfish and grumpy. But he saw something in her and he loved her completely.
And the thing is, if I really believe what I say I believe, then I must know that I have that love, times infinity, at my fingertips every day of my life, and forever. What else is there in life but to be one who receives Jesus’ love and lets it change her from the inside out? I feel like I am pathetically missing the point in life.
So, unlike Holly in P.S. I Love You, I don’t want to wait for some dramatic tragedy to happen before I learn to open my arms to life. And I don’t want to find my fulfillment in designing fancy shoes. I want to start now, this new year, to really live and learn how to be loved. I’ll start in the safest place first – learning to be loved by Jesus, who will never give up on me…no matter how many times I throw fits or act grumpy or selfish. It all begins and ends in Him; as I start to receive His love, I think I can start to love myself, and others, and life.
Here’s to 2009!