An Excuse

28 Jan

All right, this is why I haven’t blogged in a while: I’m in Mexico on the outreach portion of my DTS.  You might say, “Oh, so you have limited Internet…I understand.  It’s cool.”  But I’ve actually been able to get on the Internet almost every day here.  The reason I haven’t blogged is because to be honest, I’m having a pretty crappy time here.  And I didn’t want to launch that negativity into the blogosphere, but there it is.  I’m really working on being real (thank you Anne Lamott for inspiring me).  Growing up as a Christian, I sometimes feel like I have to put on a happy smiley mask, like, “I’m serving Jesus, yay!”  So I’m going to be real here, even if it means revealing how selfish and immature and generally unpleasant of a person I can be.  Frankly, this has been super hard.  We’ve been working our butts off, it’s dirty and foreign here, and there are a lot of unpleasant smells wafting through Mazatlan that I’m hoping I’ll get used to soon.  We’re painting a church, and I don’t really like painting.  We have to throw our toilet paper away instead of flushing it.  (Okay, that’s actually not a HUGE deal…at least we have a toilet!)  For the next two weeks thirty girls are sleeping on the cement floors of Sunday school rooms in a local church, and I think we’ve only got one toilet between all of us.  Our sleeping bags are practially on top of each other, and I don’t have anywhere to put my stuff.  I hate living out of a backpack.  I’m tired and I feel weird and I’m anxious about the future and I really should just be focusing on Carnaval, the huge street festival starting on Friday and one of the biggest ministries we’ll participate in during our time here.  So there you go.  That’s why I haven’t written.  Because I know that I’m here for a reason and that Jesus is teaching me a lot of stuff right now, and I have to learn it the hard way because my control-freak self won’t let me learn it the easy way.  And by the end of this outreach, I will be humbled and closer to Jesus and so glad that I came and went through everything that I did, and I’ll read this blog and feel sheepish.  But hopefully that when I write that post, in 7 or so weeks, about everything Jesus has done in my life and the way He’s changed me, you’ll remember this post, and know that I’m a hopelessly flawed person but I still get to carry the treasure of His love in my broken self.  And you won’t feel like it’s only for Bible college graduates spending five months of their lives doing a discipleship training school, but it’s for everyone.  So yeah.  That’s me being real.  And also, FYI, since this has been so hard all I want to do is eat Golden Spoon frozen yogurt and watch Gilmore Girls episodes and maybe go on a trip to Greece. 

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One Response to “An Excuse”

  1. Rachel Moyal January 29, 2008 at 10:41 am #

    Yipee! A new blog! Sorry it sucks out there. Even after spending a month in Mexico in a masion this last summer, I came to a conclusion, no one is ever supposed to live in Mexico. It makes me feel icky just thinking about it! Well, hang in there Joy!

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