Anne Lamott on forgiving her mother:
“I assumed Jesus wanted me to forgive her, but I also know he loves honesty and transparency. I don’t think he was rolling his eyes impatiently at me while she was in the closet. I don’t think much surprises him: this is how we make important changes–barely, poorly, slowly. And still, he raises his fist in triumph.”
I have seen this truth played out almost every single day of my DTS. God is wanting to make big changes in me…and I want to fully cooperate with these changes. But that’s so hard to do, because some days I feel like being lazy and selfish, or collapsing and bawling my eyes out, or screaming at someone who’s annoying me. These huge changes are happening, but so slowly and haltingly that sometimes I actually feel like I’m moving backward. But I’m not, because Jesus is all about going forward. Even when I mess up, the second I’m ready to run with Him again, He’s ready too. If I try apologizing too much, He’s quick to say, “Hey, we already covered that. It’s over. Let’s go!” And we’re running again. Every time I drop my self-imposed burdens, every time I release myself from the prison of my mind, He delights in it, even if it’s only going to be a day before I’m back in my cell, looking at the beautiful land of freedom through the bars while clutching the key in my hand.