I have a confession to make: I watched the movie Disturbia twice in the past few weeks. Once on the plane from New York to Tel Aviv and once on the flight home. Usually I can’t watch even slightly scary movies. After watching The Village a few years ago I had nightmares for, I am not exaggerating, six months. But there’s something about a scary movie on a plane – the itty bitty screen, the crappy headphones, the interruptions by turbulence and the pilot – that makes a scary film not so scary. At any rate, the movie pretty much sucked. But I sat through the whole thing, and then ten days later sat through it again, because of my newfound love for Shia LeBeouf.
For the longest time I could not get out of my mind the “Even Stevens” image of Shia as an awkward pre-pubescent with a white kid’s afro and overactive spit glands. Or at least the image of him as a mentally handicapped kid in that made-for-Disney movie he was in. But a few months ago I saw him on Saturday Night Live (what is with SNL sparking my celebrity crushes?) and I was like, the dude’s got talent! He’s a funny kid.
After that I saw him interviewed a few times, then watched that penguin movie, Surf’s Up, for which he provides the main penguin’s voice. Kinda had a crush on the penguin. Is that weird? I was jealous of the Zooey Deschanel penguin that ended up with him…but then, I’m just kind of jealous of Zooey Deschanel, period. She’s pretty fabulous. Anyway. Then I saw Disturbia and I was like, This kid’s cute. I’m telling you, being funny gives you at least 2 extra points on the scale, boys. I felt a little creepy because I thought he was still 18, but then I found out he was 21 and I got to thinking…
That’s the problem with living in Los Angeles. Celebrity fantasies have about a 2% greater chance of coming true, so it makes you fantasize even more. Maybe I’ll bump into him at a hip bar in Silver Lake…or at the Starbucks in Studio City near my work…or sit next to him on the 101 freeway in bumper-to-bumper traffic, write my number on a piece of paper and hold it up to his window so he could call me and we could pass the time together (I totally know someone whose friend met her husband that way!).
You’re thinking I’m crazy, no? He’s probably got a girlfriend, anyway… But that doesn’t keep me from looking forward to his role in the new Indiana Jones movie!