I hate this feeling…of being so close to being done that you feel like you just can’t go on anymore. We really have only about a week of ministry left here in Mexico. It’s been amazing, and I’m glad God brought me here. So glad, really. But I just feel so over it. I think I’m exhausted and burned out…and so excited about going back to Australia and seeing everyone again that it’s hard to focus on the last few things we’ll be doing here. Why is it so hard to finish well? When I’m on a run, I can usually get myself to sprint the last bit. It’s harder to sprint for a week, though.
Last night as I thought about going home, and leaving this family we’ve created, I felt my heart squeeze in my chest as I anticipated the loneliness of our separation. So even though it’s still hard work, at least these last couple weeks I’ll be working with people I’ve come to love and who have loved me, even when I don’t deserve it.
I love Valentine’s Day. Always have. The weird thing is, I’m usually single on Valentine’s Day, but I still love it. It’s a day to have an excuse to look extra pretty and eat chocolate and go out with friends. But this morning, I rolled out of my bunk bed as I listened to a rooster crowing down the street (he starts around 4 am every morning). I slapped on the same clothes I’ve been wearing all week and spent the day building a house in a Mexican slum, shopping for mattresses in a Mexican warehouse store, and giving dirty kids piggy back rides. When we got back to the base, I just wished so much that I could be clean, like head-to-toe clean, and wear a cute outfit and make-up and have a cute, funny guy take me to dinner and a movie and maybe ice cream or coffee afterward. Instead, I’ll probably squish onto an empty bunkbed and watch a movie on someone’s laptop, then go to sleep and wait for the rooster to crow tomorrow morning so I can do it all over again.
I’ll have to make up for it next year.
Seriously, there might not be four words I like less than “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.” I inwardly cringed even typing that. Why? Just another one of those things that makes me quirky. Or fascinating, depending on who you talk to.
Homesick, I mean. A bunch of people came down to the base to help with Carnaval, and now they are all going back home to their friends and families and most importantly: rooms and closets and bedsheets that smell like them.
Don’t worry, things have been getting better since two posts ago. But I’m not going to lie, I just want to go home sometimes. The worst part is, that I wasn’t happy at home. I was lonely and bored. So I know it’s not about the place, it’s about whether you’ve gotten your ish taken care of or not.
And I guess that’s what DTS has been for me. I packed a trunk full of issues and brought them halfway across the world to Australia. God helped me unpack them, sort them, and either throw stuff away or make it into something good that we can use. I still had a hiker’s backpack full to drag to Mexico. For my return trip to Australia, I’m looking forward to a much lighter load.
Things I wish I could do and have fun with it but I just can’t:
2) Swim in my clothes
3) Participate in a conga line